Friday, October 1, 2010

Pitiful or Powerful?

In my previous post, The Three "P's" Principle, I referred to my conviction that every creative endeavor must possess an intrinsic purpose -- a reason to birth the creation.  Furthermore, I informed the reader that the  primary purpose for all of my writings is to inform and to influence.

My particular passion is to first inform readers of my firm belief that our individual childhood experience has a uniquely powerful impact on the formation of our young psyches.  It is this same sometimes mysterious, often misunderstood psyche that we carry along with us throughout all the future stages of our a teenager, a young adult, a spouse, a parent, etc.

This peculiar psyche formed in childhood, which most of us never actively explore in order to fully understand it, literally shapes and molds every single relationship we will encounter throughout our lives -- including the far and away most important one, the relationship we conduct with ourselves.  What you were taught to believe about yourself as a powerless, wholly-dependent-upon-an-adult little child significantly influences everything about you and what happens in your world, especially your relationships.  It is my belief that the power of this involuntary process, which forms who we will become as adults, simply cannot be overstated.

Due to the unintentional wounding inflicted upon me in childhood by my family-of-orgin, I became a completely dysfunctional adult.  Consequently, every single relationship I embarked upon soon became extremely difficult because of all the unresolved issues that laid hidden in my psyche.

You, the reader, may be thinking, "Well, it couldn't have been all your fault.  There was another person involved in the relationship."  Yes, certainly that statement is absolutely true.  However, the unconscious "selection process" in choosing the other person in the relationship is also dysfunctionally driven by those very  same unresolved issues from childhood.

Allow me to use myself as an example in an effort to give my premise a "personality".  I emerged from childhood as a person who saw myself as pathetic, weak, defective, unlovable and wholly unworthy of receiving anything valuable.  To explain in detail how I got this way would require more verbiage than I can offer in a single blog post.  For now suffice to say that this totally negative self-image influenced every single choice I made in all the varied aspects of my life.  Additionally, my flawed psyche profoundly affected the way I "performed" in each role I played as an adult.  Is the picture getting any clearer? I hope so.  But, if not, please continue to follow my blog.  I'll be offering more clues to solving this "dysfunctional mystery" as I slowly progress, brush-stroke by brush-stroke, until I've fully painted this picture.

Fortunately, the day finally dawned when I realized that the only common denominator in all my failed relationships was "me".  Imagine my surprise in the ultimate discovery that I needed to pull back and examine myself!  At the time, I had no concept of just how painfully difficult this self-examination would become.  Thankfully, however, I made a firm commitment to see it through all the way to the end of the journey before I had taken the first step.

Metaphorically speaking, once I sat back and watched the R-rated movie of how I got where I was, I wanted to throw up my hands in defeat and give up.  Check out!  I felt I was so pitiful that there really was no hope for my future.  I might as well isolate myself and try not to injure anyone else, since I had already done enough damage to the people closest to me.

Then I heard a popular female TV speaker who had an extremely wounded experience in childhood very similar to my own.  She was teaching about how to overcome the subsequent dysfunction when she said, "You can be pitiful or powerful ... but not both."  Wow!  Was she saying I could choose which one I wanted to be?  Of course she was.  After all, she was on TV teaching others and her childhood was even worse than mine had been.

That's the good news ... I can choose and you can too.  I chose then and there to become powerful.  I now have a passion to share what I've learned with others.  I choose to use my painful past to inform other hurting people about childhood wounding.  And, hopefully, to influence them to seek healing, which comes from enlightenment and understanding of these unresolved issues that are still lurking in our misunderstood psyches.

I know this post has been rather long.  However, I felt it was necessary.  I hope you found it helpful.  And, please, choose to go forth with power!

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  1. Love this post! We can not change our past, but it is up to us to change our future! Also, I watched your trailer and it's really impressive. Great job!

  2. Awesome are so gifted Pat! And, you have the ability to touch so many people's lives by sharing your own personal story! Keep the posts coming...I know they will be beneficial in the lives of others!

  3. Great post, Pat. Reminded me of the many conversations I had with Jeffrey - or tried to have - letting him know that you could choose to be the victim or choose to let it go and move on. Hopefully your comments and thoughts will help those that feel it is almost impossible to move on...

    p.s. - Never impossible, just difficult and hard work getting there. You were one of the lucky ones ;0)

    Keep those blogs comin' - Jane

  4. Thanks Ladies...It's genuine encouragement like your's that works to keep me willing to be "transparent" and "vulnerable" regarding my past failures.

  5. Hi Pat, This is one of your most “Powerful” posts to date. Having known you for so many years I am able to see the total transformation from “Pitiful” to a person who is “Powerful”. We are not able to choose the cards that we are dealt in life, but we have the ability to choose what we do with them. You have chosen to take a very tough childhood, with very little parental direction, and use your experiences to help other people who are struggling with some of the same challenges. To say that I am proud of you is an understatement. Not only have you had the very first book you have written published, but you have chosen to give the “Reading Public” a glimpse into the real person behind the book. I only hope that I am able to make such miraculous strides with the cards I have been dealt. Love You!