Monday, October 18, 2010

Good News? or Bad News?

If your inner spirit agrees with my previous post (Pitiful? or Powerful?), then you are prepared to move forward with me to the next level … personal empowerment. However, if you choose to regularly bathe yourself in the pool of self-pity, you will continue to present yourself dressed in the very unattractive garments of “pitifulness”. Is that what you really want?

Let’s go directly to the primary point of this post. Here’s the good news: Everything that happened to you in childhood was not your fault. As a little child you were absolutely powerless to stop any form of abuse … be it physical, emotional or sexual. Nonetheless, as an adult it is wholly your responsibility to seek the necessary healing your damaged psyche requires.

Now the possible bad news: As an adult it is wholly your responsibility to seek the necessary healing your damaged psyche requires.

So, which is it to you … good or bad news? Ultimately, I learned to see this as great news. But, I will admit, it did take some time to turn my thinking around. Allow me to pull back the curtain a little more on myself in order to give a personality to my premise.

I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home because both my parents did as well. Due to their own severely damaged psyches, Mom and Dad’s emotional energy was completely depleted by their own unresolved issues. Consequently, I often felt like the “invisible child”. I was the compliant one. I tried to please everyone and not make any waves. As a result, I pretty much went unnoticed by both parents. I had only one sibling – an older sister. She was the rebel-rouser and made as many waves as my parents were able to handle. Even though it certainly was negative attention, she got all there was to get, while I went virtually unnoticed.

At the age of five, I was sexually molested by a distant uncle. My budding personality began to change. Unfortunately, no one noticed. As a result, no one came to my rescue. Consequently, I became convinced that I was “on my own” in this world. I longed for someone to put their arms around me and offer some form of comfort. But, no one did.

After a while I learned to comfort myself. How? Through self-pity. When the emotional pain became too intense, I would withdraw and isolate myself so that I could turn on the self-pity faucet full blast to quickly fill my tub to overflowing. Then I would immerse myself in that toxic tub and cry until I was emotionally depleted. As I did this over and over again, it soon became addictive. Whenever I needed a fix, I’d withdraw and isolate in order to start the whole cycle over again.

Referring back to this post’s initial good news statement – none of the aforementioned was my fault. I didn’t choose my family-of-origin. And, I didn’t seduce my uncle into molesting me. Nor did I have the personal power to stop him at the tender age of five years old. But, if my wounded psyche would ever experience healing, it was my responsibility to seek the necessary enlightenment in order to put the process in motion. No one else could do this for me … or for you.

Let’s dissect the word “responsibility” as it applies to our topic. This word is actually a combination of two other words. Response and ability. A situation exists that requires a “response” from someone who possesses the “ability” to do so.

What are “unresolved issues” from childhood? This phrase refers to the “inner conflict” that lies hidden in your psyche … your very soul. Once again I’ll use my experience to flesh this out. As a child, my circumstances taught me to believe that I was unlovable. Yet my intellect told me that I was supposed to be loved and accepted by my parents even if no one else found me worthy. The soul and the intellect were in constant conflict due to the fact that this inconsistency had never been resolved.

Another example: The multiple voices in the little girl’s circumstances all agreed that she was a weak and pitiful human being, that she would always have to rely on a man’s strength to be able to survive in her world. Yet people outside her childhood home didn’t appear to see her this way. Was she weak or not? Since this issue had never been resolved, she carried this inner conflict into every relationship she entered into as an adult.

Can you see the powerful control of these unresolved issues? In order to go forth with power one must confront the inner conflict. You, dear reader, bear this responsibility – meaning a response to the conflict is required but no one has the ability to perform this personal confrontation but you. Who else has knowledge of your secret thoughts? Who else has lived and faced your particular childhood experiences other than you?

If you get nothing else from this post, please endeavor to thoroughly comprehend this primary point. If you have “unresolved issues” from childhood, you carry “inner conflict” in your soul, your psyche. This inner conflict could be characterized as a hidden boil. The boil must first be uncovered … exposed. In order for it to heal properly, it must be lanced so that the pus can be allowed to drain. Metaphorically speaking, the exposing, lancing and draining symbolize the “confrontation”. Until this process is enacted, the hidden boil actually weakens you. It’s like a crack in your foundation that only widens and deepens with time. Consequently, the confrontation facilitates the empowerment. It really can’t be avoided.

We’ll talk more about this process in future posts. In the meantime, choose to go forward – one step at a time – with excitement, enthusiasm and power!

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1 comment:

  1. Another great post! I love what you said about the word "responsibility".. so true. Thanks for sharing your own past. I'm sure it will be helpful to many people ... who want to help themselves.