Thursday, October 28, 2010

First Book Signing Big Success!!!

Monday, October 25th, 2010 was my first book-signing event for my new novel, All Rise.  It was a huge success!  It lasted over eight hours.  I got to meet and talk with a lot of nice people.  Thanks to everyone who attended and made the event very exciting and successful. 

I hope the reader will take 30 seconds to watch the trailer for All Rise.  Just click on the words "All Rise Book Trailer" to the top right of this post.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Good News? or Bad News?

If your inner spirit agrees with my previous post (Pitiful? or Powerful?), then you are prepared to move forward with me to the next level … personal empowerment. However, if you choose to regularly bathe yourself in the pool of self-pity, you will continue to present yourself dressed in the very unattractive garments of “pitifulness”. Is that what you really want?

Let’s go directly to the primary point of this post. Here’s the good news: Everything that happened to you in childhood was not your fault. As a little child you were absolutely powerless to stop any form of abuse … be it physical, emotional or sexual. Nonetheless, as an adult it is wholly your responsibility to seek the necessary healing your damaged psyche requires.

Now the possible bad news: As an adult it is wholly your responsibility to seek the necessary healing your damaged psyche requires.

So, which is it to you … good or bad news? Ultimately, I learned to see this as great news. But, I will admit, it did take some time to turn my thinking around. Allow me to pull back the curtain a little more on myself in order to give a personality to my premise.

I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home because both my parents did as well. Due to their own severely damaged psyches, Mom and Dad’s emotional energy was completely depleted by their own unresolved issues. Consequently, I often felt like the “invisible child”. I was the compliant one. I tried to please everyone and not make any waves. As a result, I pretty much went unnoticed by both parents. I had only one sibling – an older sister. She was the rebel-rouser and made as many waves as my parents were able to handle. Even though it certainly was negative attention, she got all there was to get, while I went virtually unnoticed.

At the age of five, I was sexually molested by a distant uncle. My budding personality began to change. Unfortunately, no one noticed. As a result, no one came to my rescue. Consequently, I became convinced that I was “on my own” in this world. I longed for someone to put their arms around me and offer some form of comfort. But, no one did.

After a while I learned to comfort myself. How? Through self-pity. When the emotional pain became too intense, I would withdraw and isolate myself so that I could turn on the self-pity faucet full blast to quickly fill my tub to overflowing. Then I would immerse myself in that toxic tub and cry until I was emotionally depleted. As I did this over and over again, it soon became addictive. Whenever I needed a fix, I’d withdraw and isolate in order to start the whole cycle over again.

Referring back to this post’s initial good news statement – none of the aforementioned was my fault. I didn’t choose my family-of-origin. And, I didn’t seduce my uncle into molesting me. Nor did I have the personal power to stop him at the tender age of five years old. But, if my wounded psyche would ever experience healing, it was my responsibility to seek the necessary enlightenment in order to put the process in motion. No one else could do this for me … or for you.

Let’s dissect the word “responsibility” as it applies to our topic. This word is actually a combination of two other words. Response and ability. A situation exists that requires a “response” from someone who possesses the “ability” to do so.

What are “unresolved issues” from childhood? This phrase refers to the “inner conflict” that lies hidden in your psyche … your very soul. Once again I’ll use my experience to flesh this out. As a child, my circumstances taught me to believe that I was unlovable. Yet my intellect told me that I was supposed to be loved and accepted by my parents even if no one else found me worthy. The soul and the intellect were in constant conflict due to the fact that this inconsistency had never been resolved.

Another example: The multiple voices in the little girl’s circumstances all agreed that she was a weak and pitiful human being, that she would always have to rely on a man’s strength to be able to survive in her world. Yet people outside her childhood home didn’t appear to see her this way. Was she weak or not? Since this issue had never been resolved, she carried this inner conflict into every relationship she entered into as an adult.

Can you see the powerful control of these unresolved issues? In order to go forth with power one must confront the inner conflict. You, dear reader, bear this responsibility – meaning a response to the conflict is required but no one has the ability to perform this personal confrontation but you. Who else has knowledge of your secret thoughts? Who else has lived and faced your particular childhood experiences other than you?

If you get nothing else from this post, please endeavor to thoroughly comprehend this primary point. If you have “unresolved issues” from childhood, you carry “inner conflict” in your soul, your psyche. This inner conflict could be characterized as a hidden boil. The boil must first be uncovered … exposed. In order for it to heal properly, it must be lanced so that the pus can be allowed to drain. Metaphorically speaking, the exposing, lancing and draining symbolize the “confrontation”. Until this process is enacted, the hidden boil actually weakens you. It’s like a crack in your foundation that only widens and deepens with time. Consequently, the confrontation facilitates the empowerment. It really can’t be avoided.

We’ll talk more about this process in future posts. In the meantime, choose to go forward – one step at a time – with excitement, enthusiasm and power!

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Friday, October 1, 2010

Pitiful or Powerful?

In my previous post, The Three "P's" Principle, I referred to my conviction that every creative endeavor must possess an intrinsic purpose -- a reason to birth the creation.  Furthermore, I informed the reader that the  primary purpose for all of my writings is to inform and to influence.

My particular passion is to first inform readers of my firm belief that our individual childhood experience has a uniquely powerful impact on the formation of our young psyches.  It is this same sometimes mysterious, often misunderstood psyche that we carry along with us throughout all the future stages of our a teenager, a young adult, a spouse, a parent, etc.

This peculiar psyche formed in childhood, which most of us never actively explore in order to fully understand it, literally shapes and molds every single relationship we will encounter throughout our lives -- including the far and away most important one, the relationship we conduct with ourselves.  What you were taught to believe about yourself as a powerless, wholly-dependent-upon-an-adult little child significantly influences everything about you and what happens in your world, especially your relationships.  It is my belief that the power of this involuntary process, which forms who we will become as adults, simply cannot be overstated.

Due to the unintentional wounding inflicted upon me in childhood by my family-of-orgin, I became a completely dysfunctional adult.  Consequently, every single relationship I embarked upon soon became extremely difficult because of all the unresolved issues that laid hidden in my psyche.

You, the reader, may be thinking, "Well, it couldn't have been all your fault.  There was another person involved in the relationship."  Yes, certainly that statement is absolutely true.  However, the unconscious "selection process" in choosing the other person in the relationship is also dysfunctionally driven by those very  same unresolved issues from childhood.

Allow me to use myself as an example in an effort to give my premise a "personality".  I emerged from childhood as a person who saw myself as pathetic, weak, defective, unlovable and wholly unworthy of receiving anything valuable.  To explain in detail how I got this way would require more verbiage than I can offer in a single blog post.  For now suffice to say that this totally negative self-image influenced every single choice I made in all the varied aspects of my life.  Additionally, my flawed psyche profoundly affected the way I "performed" in each role I played as an adult.  Is the picture getting any clearer? I hope so.  But, if not, please continue to follow my blog.  I'll be offering more clues to solving this "dysfunctional mystery" as I slowly progress, brush-stroke by brush-stroke, until I've fully painted this picture.

Fortunately, the day finally dawned when I realized that the only common denominator in all my failed relationships was "me".  Imagine my surprise in the ultimate discovery that I needed to pull back and examine myself!  At the time, I had no concept of just how painfully difficult this self-examination would become.  Thankfully, however, I made a firm commitment to see it through all the way to the end of the journey before I had taken the first step.

Metaphorically speaking, once I sat back and watched the R-rated movie of how I got where I was, I wanted to throw up my hands in defeat and give up.  Check out!  I felt I was so pitiful that there really was no hope for my future.  I might as well isolate myself and try not to injure anyone else, since I had already done enough damage to the people closest to me.

Then I heard a popular female TV speaker who had an extremely wounded experience in childhood very similar to my own.  She was teaching about how to overcome the subsequent dysfunction when she said, "You can be pitiful or powerful ... but not both."  Wow!  Was she saying I could choose which one I wanted to be?  Of course she was.  After all, she was on TV teaching others and her childhood was even worse than mine had been.

That's the good news ... I can choose and you can too.  I chose then and there to become powerful.  I now have a passion to share what I've learned with others.  I choose to use my painful past to inform other hurting people about childhood wounding.  And, hopefully, to influence them to seek healing, which comes from enlightenment and understanding of these unresolved issues that are still lurking in our misunderstood psyches.

I know this post has been rather long.  However, I felt it was necessary.  I hope you found it helpful.  And, please, choose to go forth with power!

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